The Chemistry Of Love

“Love is in the Air”… in the words of the song by Australian rock singer John Paul Young. But what does love actually look like in the brain? A great documentary on the chemistry of love was shown in Sixty Minutes last week - and definately worth watching! 

Every relationship experiences conflict and periods of alienation, but the difference between the masters and disasters is their ability to repair...

Dr. John Gottman

I had the pleasure of meeting Dr. John Gottman at the “Happiness and its Causes” 2009 Conference in Sydney. He shared with us one of the secrets to long lasting love. It is about the ratio between positive and negative emotions during conflict. For couples to live happily ever after this ratio has to be five positive emotions to one negative emotion. The emotion of contempt (while we are arguing with our loved one) is the one that erodes love the most – according to Dr. Gottman.

As I was thinking about romantic love, it is possible that a similar ratio may need to be maintained if we want healthy relationships with our children, business colleagues and friends. Noticing our emotions when we are having an argument, for example, is one of the best ways to start. If we notice what we are feeling, we can manage the emotion more effectively without letting it affect the other person.

For those who have children and like reading, I recommend reading “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child” by Dr. John Gottman. This book contains valuable information regarding emotional self awareness and self management.