Living With Epilepsy

Hello, I am a 40 year old woman who was diagnosed with epilepsy from the age of 21.  

At the time, the doctors listened to the symptoms, attached some electrodes, asked some questions, prescribed a hefty chunk of medicine and I was on my way.

In my 20’s I was on great amounts of medication trying to deal with the symptoms of the extra electricity in my system, but the meds were causing side effects that I was suffering from in other ways, so at 28 I left Melbourne, where I was living and that seemed to be the turning point for myself and understanding my epilepsy.

I always knew something wasn’t right with the conventional approach to my particular condition and from my close observations, I realised it was very emotionally based.

I had met a guy and shared with him my story of where I’d come from and my history with epilepsy and he encouraged me to get off the medicine because he believed I could beat it.

Well that was like music to my ears because no one had ever believed I could beat it…..except me. The fact is, no one knows you the way we know ourselves and the people closest to me were concerned because this condition was a foreign concept to them.

Epilepsy, a disorder of the nervous system. An electrical imbalance, like a misfiring spark plug. All this and more is all true. However, what people forget to realize is that the truth ALWAYS lies within the person.

In my case the truth was just surfacing and I was going to get off these tablets that for so long had suppressed me in order to find out what MY truth was and why these seizures were playing a role.

I have seeked out so much healing work on myself over the last 12 years. As my good friend Tara puts it, I've over healed!!! Reiki, Kinesiology, Hypnosis, Yoga, Meditation, Crystal Healing, Massage, many different healers doing many different techniques all in the name of Lainie's healing. The one person I didn't turn to was myself.

I always looked outside for the answers cause I didn't have enough faith in myself to believe I could truly heal myself. I would even pay a healer for an hour of potential enlightenment instead of buying food or petrol. Priorities were obvious. Fact is, I never starved, but I also never reached enlightenment.

Now, 12 years after this, I am still dealing with the seizures but once a month, generally around menstruation time, but it seems to be my way of coping with emotional stress. They are my versions of a panic attack and I'm aware of them for 10-15mins before they happen, but the fear rises and I can’t relax enough to breathe through it and calm down.

It freaks me out that people will be seeing me at my most vulnerable when I’m not even coherent enough at the time to answer their questions or let them know that it will all be ok. Just got to wait it out!

What’s on the menu now for assisting with my brain and the way it deals with the patterns of emotional trauma, is to meditate, so that when I get into a state of high anxiety, usually in the mornings, I will have access to my peaceful centre where no stories can manifest and grow wings.

Written by Lainie Chait
Extract from an autobiography of a woman's journey with accepting Epilepsy