Advice And Feedback And Counsel! Oh My!

Advice. Feedback. Performance Review. Words that send cold shivers up most people’s spines. We should be eager to accept feedback from others, and know that we can really improve by incorporating other people’s points of view. But our brains get in the way. 

Our brains are a survival machine. It is constantly scanning the environment for threats. Neuroscientists discovered that when we are in certain social situations, our brains biologically react as if we are in physical pain and we have the same bodily response: Fight or Flight!

These certain social situtations could be that we feel our status is being threatened. Or our choices are being taken away from us. Or it is not fair! Now link a formal performance review process with ranking against peers and compensation, and uncertainty about keeping your job or earning a promotion can become an issue and downright fear kicks in.

So What Can Be Done?

Before we start anything, we as the “Giver” need to check our hearts and motivations. We need to believe the person we are talking with is a valuable contributor and they have the ability to come up with good solutions.

We believe without a doubt that they already have what it takes to succeed right inside of them. Once we have done this heart-check, we can move on to the process.

This first part of the process is the set-up. In businesses, throw out the name “Performance Review” or “Feedback” or “Evaluation” or “Performance Management”. Instead, a future-focused, solution-focused, caring approach and term should be used - something like, “Career Advancement Planning”.

Next, ensure a clear understanding of the current position requirements is in place – a detailed statement of roles and responsibilities for both the Giver and the “Receiver”. Then set some inspiring goals that are in alignment with the corporate goals.

Now we move in to the feedback portion of the process. The next step can make or break the process – getting permission on how the person would like to be supported in the pursuit of their goals. This helps ensure the person owns the goals and will reap the rewards of a job well done.

The support request from the employee can be that the support is more hands-off, or that they want to be challenged by you, or that they just want you to hold them accountable, or some combination. With this agreement up-front, driven by the employee, you execute on those choices.

In this step, it is vital that you are a trusted advisor and are perceived that way. It takes time to build this relatedness. Also within this step, ensuring there is agreement on the timeframes - meeting formally on a bi-monthly basis, or just quarterly – will help create a safe feeling with certainty.

Now it gets even more exciting - the informal and formal processes. You will be looking to notice all the things the employee is doing well! This helps to genuinely create an emotional upward spiral that opens the mind to be more creative and to think more clearly.

In the bigger picture view, you have set an expectation with the other team members that they are to be looking for the things the person does well, and to mention those positive observations to the employee. Now the whole system is supporting a positive approach. This is the informal side.

The formal side is exciting as well. The employee is going to choose who they would like to have as part of the 360 commentaries. Although the qualitative scales may be useful to the corporation, since we are mainly looking at effective feedback, the 360 will gather feedback in the form of comments.

The employee will sift through the comments and based on their own self-assessment, they will determine their areas of strengths and areas that may need additional support.

The requirement that really makes this process hum is that you will assess the employee based solely on how well the employee assessed themself!

Did the employee walk on water, or did they create a great plan to move forward with? Did the employee focus on building strengths? Did the employee effectively determine which 360 comments needed to be incorporated in to a career advancement plan, and which ones just needed to be managed around?

Oftentimes, people know their strengths and areas for improvements. And given the right placement, relatedness, supporting structure and environment, the best way to move forward comes from within them.

A similar approach works with every day personal interactions as well. We start by checking our hearts and motivations. Then rather than jumping right in and assuming someone needs our advice or even wants our advice, we check in with them.

What kind of support are they looking for? What would best help them? Then we take time to understand their vision - where are they headed and how does this current situtation fit in?

By giving people the time and space, we will see that they come up with their own great ideas and tell us that we have given them great guidance rather than cold shivers!